it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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