yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
