fuck your aforementioned shoe
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
