Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
