Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
