Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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