The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if only i could text you this smell
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
