So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
