Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
