i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
