Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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