I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
