My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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