idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
