at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
