i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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