He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
