i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
