I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
