Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
