I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
