i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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