I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Enjoy the penises
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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