You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
