I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
