hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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