I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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