When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
