I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
