Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
