Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
