I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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