i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
