mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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