omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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