he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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