Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
