You're so nebulous sometimes
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
