My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
