got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
