I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
