Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
