But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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