no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
