why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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