I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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