this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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