This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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