he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
