got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Actions speak louder than pants.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
