I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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