So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
