Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
