You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
