Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
