That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
